How To Check Out Your Long Distance Lover

I've been doing background checks on people for over 15 years and one thing that I have always enjoyed about my work is that I am detached from the people that I am checking out; I don't get involved. Increasingly lately, though I have had contact mostly from women who want to request some form of a background check on a man, that they have been corresponding with online usually living far away or even in another country, I call them Long Distance Lovers (LDL). I have allowed myself to empathize with these people and offer them not just background check services, but in some cases, fatherly advice.

I've corresponded with men in the same situation, but by far, women make up most of the inquires that come my way. They have come to a point in their relationship where things are getting serious, yet some doubts about the person have arisen. Now I know that many relationship specialists and psychologists have written on this subject, but I thought that it was time for a background check professional to weigh in on the subject. The rest of this article is written from the perspective of helping a woman in that situation, but is not meant to exclude men.

A typical scenario. One woman contacted me recently saying that she wanted to check out a guy who is an American, but currently lives in a hotel in London. She had a phone number for him, but it was a cell phone number from here in the USA. She wanted me to do a criminal check on him in the UK. I told her that I would be happy to do it, but I thought that it was a waste of her money. I was not convinced, based on what she told me, that she even had his correct full name and date of birth which are necessary for an accurate criminal check.

Furthermore, I was not at all convinced that he was even IN England. I suggested to her that she get the name of the hotel where he is staying (from him) and call the front desk and ask for his room. Why would he incur international roaming fees on his cell phone if he can receive calls on his room phone? I took an interest in this "case" and as we e-mailed back and forth I soon discovered that this woman, in fact, knew virtually nothing about this man to whom she was about to entrust everything. There was nothing about him that could be pinned down. It was all smoke and mirrors.

I asked myself why this woman can't see through a situation like this when an outsider like me can? The answer is simple. She is emotionally invested in him and I am not. To me; the facts about him clearly, don't add up. I also know that if I did a criminal check on him and it came back with no record, she would say to herself that he checks out therefore she can proceed with the relationship. I have 23 and 25 year old daughters and I would hope that if they were in the same situation that someone would give them some fatherly advice as I gave to this young woman.

A few suggestions. To this person and whoever might find themselves in a similar situation, I am going to offer some inexpensive advice as follows:

Discuss this situation with someone who loves and cares about you. You can benefit from an outside perspective. Make a list of all that you know or think you know about your long distance lover and go over the info with a friend or relative. Chances are that they will see something in that info that you have overlooked or glossed over. If you don't have a friend or relative that you can confide in, try to find a professional like a pastor, an attorney or even a cop. If nothing else they can suggest where you need to fill in the information. Pastors who do marriage and relationship counseling are uniquely qualified to spot inconsistencies in a person's profile.

Try this. Tell your long distance lover that your relationship has progressed to the point where there needs to be some disclosure. Most women I communicate with are afraid to even hint to him that they want to do a background check on him. They are afraid of insulting him or scaring off a potential husband prospect. In fact, the truth is, that it is the smartest thing that they can do at that point in their relationship and a genuine, responsible man worth keeping, would see it that way. Only the con men are scared off.

Offer him some facts about you in exchange for corresponding facts about him. You might even suggest a quid pro quo; that you would allow a background check on yourself if he would allow one on himself. If you've told him the truth all along, this part should be easy. The same applies to him. If he has been telling you the truth all along, he should be readily forthcoming with the information. Make the info specific; such as, where do you work, where did you go to school? These things are easily verifiable later.

One of the best, easiest, fastest and most effective things that you can do is ask him for a photocopy of his passport or driver's license. Yes, these things can be forged, but that is usually only occurs with professional career criminals. For garden variety bad guys who want to come to the USA and mooch off of you, asking for a copy of the passport or driver's license will probably scare them off. Conversely, the honest guys (the keepers) will readily acquiesce to your request. The passport will verify who he is, where he is from and his nationality.

What to do if he does not give you pertinent information. At this point if he hesitates at all, my recommendation is that you dump him! Remember this: If he genuinely cares about you, as you care about him, he will agree to it instantly and wholeheartedly as you would if he suggested it to you. If he flinches, blinks, hesitates or asks to think about it; move on. Do it immediately, completely and unequivocally. I've always told employers that I have a word for people who won't consent to a background check. The word is, "NEXT". The same applies in this situation. Don't waste another minute on him; move on.

If you are still unsure and want to give him one last chance, try suggesting to him that you have recently lost all of your money in the stock market (or whatever reason) and see if your relationship changes. Most con men are looking for an easy financial mark. If you deny them that, they will move on.

A simple phone call. If you are convinced that he is a keeper and he agrees to the exchange of information I am offering a final idea that may determine once and for all if he is "Mister Right". We have used this technique with great success for our clients and I am willing to share it publicly. By success I mean that we have found out definitively whether or not the relationship is based on truth and should continue.

Have a friend, relative or professional person (as we discussed earlier) make a conference call with you to your LDL. The purpose of the call is to have an outside, objective person hear his response to a discussion of subjects that any responsible person would be curious about such as:

His past, including school, family, jobs. His current situation; where he lives, works or goes to school. His future (with you) and what it will take to get there.

The call should not be confrontational. Think of it this way: If the relationship were local, it would be time for him to meet some of your friends or relatives; you're just doing it over the phone. Remember that much of the purpose of this phone conversation will have already been accomplished by the very fact that he has agreed to it. That shows that he may not be trying to hide anything. Another scenario is that he thinks that he can fool both of you. I'm betting that he can't. I know he can't when I make these calls.

What you do with the info at this point is entirely up to you. If you would like us to verify some of the information and do a criminal check on him, we can certainly do that. Whatever you choose at this point you are going to know a lot more about your long distance lover. May you both live happily ever after.

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<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC '-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN' 'http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/loose.dtd'>; <html><head><title>Article Submission Directory - Article Directory | How To Check Out Your Long Distance Lover</title></head><body><h3>How To Check Out Your Long Distance Lover</h3><br><br> By: Kit Fremin<br><br><p><p>I've been doing background checks on people for over 15 years and one thing that I have always enjoyed about my work is that I am detached from the people that I am checking out; I don't get involved. Increasingly lately, though I have had contact mostly from women who want to request some form of a background check on a man, that they have been corresponding with online usually living far away or even in another country, I call them Long Distance Lovers (LDL). I have allowed myself to empathize with these people and offer them not just background check services, but in some cases, fatherly advice.</P><p>I've corresponded with men in the same situation, but by far, women make up most of the inquires that come my way. They have come to a point in their relationship where things are getting serious, yet some doubts about the person have arisen. Now I know that many relationship specialists and psychologists have written on this subject, but I thought that it was time for a background check professional to weigh in on the subject. The rest of this article is written from the perspective of helping a woman in that situation, but is not meant to exclude men.</P><p>A typical scenario. One woman contacted me recently saying that she wanted to check out a guy who is an American, but currently lives in a hotel in London. She had a phone number for him, but it was a cell phone number from here in the USA. She wanted me to do a criminal check on him in the UK. I told her that I would be happy to do it, but I thought that it was a waste of her money. I was not convinced, based on what she told me, that she even had his correct full name and date of birth which are necessary for an accurate criminal check.</P><p>Furthermore, I was not at all convinced that he was even IN England. I suggested to her that she get the name of the hotel where he is staying (from him) and call the front desk and ask for his room. Why would he incur international roaming fees on his cell phone if he can receive calls on his room phone? I took an interest in this "case" and as we e-mailed back and forth I soon discovered that this woman, in fact, knew virtually nothing about this man to whom she was about to entrust everything. There was nothing about him that could be pinned down. It was all smoke and mirrors.</P><p>I asked myself why this woman can't see through a situation like this when an outsider like me can? The answer is simple. She is emotionally invested in him and I am not. To me; the facts about him clearly, don't add up. I also know that if I did a criminal check on him and it came back with no record, she would say to herself that he checks out therefore she can proceed with the relationship. I have 23 and 25 year old daughters and I would hope that if they were in the same situation that someone would give them some fatherly advice as I gave to this young woman.</P><p>A few suggestions. To this person and whoever might find themselves in a similar situation, I am going to offer some inexpensive advice as follows:</P><p>Discuss this situation with someone who loves and cares about you. You can benefit from an outside perspective. Make a list of all that you know or think you know about your long distance lover and go over the info with a friend or relative. Chances are that they will see something in that info that you have overlooked or glossed over. If you don't have a friend or relative that you can confide in, try to find a professional like a pastor, an attorney or even a cop. If nothing else they can suggest where you need to fill in the information. Pastors who do marriage and relationship counseling are uniquely qualified to spot inconsistencies in a person's profile.</P><p>Try this. Tell your long distance lover that your relationship has progressed to the point where there needs to be some disclosure. Most women I communicate with are afraid to even hint to him that they want to do a background check on him. They are afraid of insulting him or scaring off a potential husband prospect. In fact, the truth is, that it is the smartest thing that they can do at that point in their relationship and a genuine, responsible man worth keeping, would see it that way. Only the con men are scared off.</P><p>Offer him some facts about you in exchange for corresponding facts about him. You might even suggest a quid pro quo; that you would allow a background check on yourself if he would allow one on himself. If you've told him the truth all along, this part should be easy. The same applies to him. If he has been telling you the truth all along, he should be readily forthcoming with the information. Make the info specific; such as, where do you work, where did you go to school? These things are easily verifiable later.</P><p>One of the best, easiest, fastest and most effective things that you can do is ask him for a photocopy of his passport or driver's license. Yes, these things can be forged, but that is usually only occurs with professional career criminals. For garden variety bad guys who want to come to the USA and mooch off of you, asking for a copy of the passport or driver's license will probably scare them off. Conversely, the honest guys (the keepers) will readily acquiesce to your request. The passport will verify who he is, where he is from and his nationality.</P><p>What to do if he does not give you pertinent information. At this point if he hesitates at all, my recommendation is that you dump him! Remember this: If he genuinely cares about you, as you care about him, he will agree to it instantly and wholeheartedly as you would if he suggested it to you. If he flinches, blinks, hesitates or asks to think about it; move on. Do it immediately, completely and unequivocally. I've always told employers that I have a word for people who won't consent to a background check. The word is, "NEXT". The same applies in this situation. Don't waste another minute on him; move on.</P><p>If you are still unsure and want to give him one last chance, try suggesting to him that you have recently lost all of your money in the stock market (or whatever reason) and see if your relationship changes. Most con men are looking for an easy financial mark. If you deny them that, they will move on.</P><p>A simple phone call. If you are convinced that he is a keeper and he agrees to the exchange of information I am offering a final idea that may determine once and for all if he is "Mister Right". We have used this technique with great success for our clients and I am willing to share it publicly. By success I mean that we have found out definitively whether or not the relationship is based on truth and should continue.</P><p>Have a friend, relative or professional person (as we discussed earlier) make a conference call with you to your LDL. The purpose of the call is to have an outside, objective person hear his response to a discussion of subjects that any responsible person would be curious about such as:</P><p>His past, including school, family, jobs. His current situation; where he lives, works or goes to school. His future (with you) and what it will take to get there.</P><p>The call should not be confrontational. Think of it this way: If the relationship were local, it would be time for him to meet some of your friends or relatives; you're just doing it over the phone. Remember that much of the purpose of this phone conversation will have already been accomplished by the very fact that he has agreed to it. That shows that he may not be trying to hide anything. Another scenario is that he thinks that he can fool both of you. I'm betting that he can't. I know he can't when I make these calls.</P><p>What you do with the info at this point is entirely up to you. If you would like us to verify some of the information and do a criminal check on him, we can certainly do that. Whatever you choose at this point you are going to know a lot more about your long distance lover. May you both live happily ever after.<br></P></p> <br><br> <b>Author Resource:-></b>  Kit Fremin is the owner and founder of Background Check International. Since 1994 BCI has served clients as varied as: the LA Times, Department of Defense, Mars, Inc., the UN, the NTSB and Calvary Chapels nationwide. His website is: <a href="http://www.bcint.com/">www.bcint.com</a> and he can be e-mailed at <a href="mailto:kit@bcint.com">kit@bcint.com</a>.<br><br><b>Article From</b> <a href='http://www.article-submission-directory.com/'>Article Submission Directory - Article Directory</a><br></body></html>